Why CIO isn't good for baby

Ten Reasons Why CIO (cry-it-out) Is Not Good For Baby:

1. Cry it out can cause harmful changes to babies’ brains
Babies cry. They cry to let us know that they need something. And when we don’t respond to those cries, it causes them undue amounts of stress. Science has shown that stress in infancy can result in enduring negative impacts on the brain. Prolonged cries in infants causes increased blood pressure in the brain, elevates stress hormones, obstructs blood from draining out of the brain, and decreases oxygenation to the brain. Excessive crying results in an oversensitive stress system (likened to a faulty burglar alarm in one book) that can lead to a fear of being alone, separation anxiety, panic attacks and addictions. Harvard researchers found that it makes them more susceptible to stress as adults and changes the nervous system so that they are overly sensitive to future trauma. Chronic stress in infancy can also lead to an over-active adrenaline system, which results in the child using increased aggression, impulsivity, and violence. Another study showed that persistent crying episodes in infancy led to a 10 times greater chance of the child having ADHD, resulting in poor school performance and antisocial behaviour. However, if you consistently soothe your child’s distress and take any anguished crying seriously, highly effective stress response systems are established in the brain that allow your child to cope with stress later in life.

2. Cry it out can result in decreased intellectual, emotional and social development
At an American Academy of Pediatrics meeting, infant developmental specialist Dr. Michael Lewis presented research findings demonstrating that “the single most important influence of a child’s intellectual development is the responsiveness of the mother to the cues of her baby.” More specifically, other studies have found that babies whose cries are ignored do not develop healthy intellectual and social skills, that they have an average IQ 9 points lower at age 5, they show poor fine motor development, show more difficulty controlling their emotions, and take longer to become independent as children (stay clingy for longer).

3. Cry it out can result in a detached baby
Researchers have shown that although leaving a baby to cry it out does often lead to the cries eventually stopping, the cries do not stop because the child is content or the problem has been alleviated. Rather, they stop because the baby has given up hope that a caregiver will respond and provide comfort. This results in a detached baby. Detached children are less responsive, appear to be depressed or “not there” and often lack empathy.

4. Cry it out is harmful to the parent-child relationship
A child that is left to cry it out is less likely to turn to the parents in times of need. Being attended to as a baby is the most basic of needs and if a child learns at that point that she can count on her parents to respond to her needs, then she will also turn to them later in life when she needs their support. But I worry that if I leave my children to cry it out, then they will not see the point in reaching out to us if they have problems later in life and could try to deal with serious issues like bullying, drug addictions, teenage pregnancy, gambling problems, or flunking out of school on their own or turn to peers. Unfortunately, those problems are often too big for a teenager to be left to deal with alone or with peers and it can have disastrous results ranging from making poor decisions all the way to committing suicide out of a feeling of hopelessness.

5. Cry it out can make children insecure
Children whose caregivers are not consistently responsive and sensitive, often become insecure. Long-term studies have shown that secure individuals are more likely to be outgoing, popular, well-adjusted, compassionate, and altruistic. As adults, secure individuals are likely to be comfortable depending on others, can develop close attachments, and trust their partners. Insecure individuals, on the other hand, tend to be unsettled in their relationships, displaying anxiety (manifesting as possessiveness, jealousy, and clinginess) or avoidance (manifesting as mistrust and a reluctance to depend on others). Parents that use the cry it out method often do so because they are afraid that their children are becoming too dependent. However, an abundance of research shows that regular physical contact, reassurance, and prompt responses to distress in infancy and childhood results in secure and confident adults who are better able to form functional relationships.

6. Cry it out often doesn’t work at all
Some babies will not give in. They are resilient or stubborn enough that they refuse to believe that their parents could be so cruel as to leave them to cry to sleep. So instead of whimpering a bit and then drifting off to sleep as some supposed sleep experts would have you believe happens, they end up sobbing and sobbing and sobbing for hours on end. Some end up vomiting. Many end up shaking so hard and become so distraught that once their parents realize that CIO is not going to work, the baby is shaking uncontrollably and hiccuping, too distressed to sleep and too distraught to be calmed down even by a loving parent.

7. Even if cry it out does “work”, parents often have to do it over and over again
I can’t imagine putting my child through one or several nights of inconsolable crying to get her to go to sleep and I certainly can’t imagine having to do it over and over again. However, that is the reality for many parents. I hear people tell me that they always let their child cry for thirty minutes to go to sleep. Or that they have to start the CIO sleep training process all over again after each round of teething, each growth spurt, each developmental milestone.

8. Cry it out is disrespectful of my child’s needs
So-called sleep trainers will tell you that after a certain age, babies do not have any more needs at night. Some claim this is after a few short weeks, others after a few months, others after a year. Regardless of the age that is assigned to that message, to me it seems wrong. I’m an adult and yet there are days when I need someone else to comfort me. If I’ve had a really stressful week at work, if I’ve had a fight with someone that is important to me, if I’ve lost a loved one, then I need to be comforted. But how would I feel and what would it do to our relationship if my husband closed the door and walked out of the room and let me “cry it out” myself? I’m an adult and yet there are nights when I am so parched that I need a glass of water or I am so hungry that I need a snack. I’m not going to die if those needs are not met, but I am going to physically uncomfortable and unable to sleep soundly. If I were to let my child CIO, it would be like saying that his needs are not important and that to me is disrespectful. To quote Dr. William Sears on the sleep trainers, “Parents let me caution you. Difficult problems in child rearing do not have easy answers. Children are too valuable and their needs too important to be made victims of cheap, shallow advice“.

9. Deep sleep from cry it out is often a result of trauma
Babies who are left to cry it out do sometimes fall into a deep sleep after they finally drop off. And their parents and sleep trainers will hail this as a success of the CIO method. However, babies and young children often sleep deeply after experiencing trauma. Therefore, the deep sleep that follows CIO shouldn’t be seen as proof that it works. Rather, it should be seen as a disturbing shortcoming.

10. Our World Needs More Love
Rates of depression are skyrocketing. Violent and senseless crimes are on the rise. As human beings, we need to spend more time being there for each other, showing compassion, nurturing our children. Learning that you can’t count on your parents to be there when you need them is a tough lesson to learn that early in life and can be a root of many of the social problems we are facing today. I want to give my kids every chance possible of escaping depression and staying away from violence. And I’m convinced that nurturing them and responding to their needs at night, as I do during the day, is the first step in the right direction.

To read more, you can go to this link: http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/07/05/no-cry-it-out/
for the full article, references and related topics.

I am in the process of reading a research article on attachment parenting and will post it, with my thoughts, when I am finished.

I have spent hundreds of hours studying child development, attachment and attachment disorders. Much of this research was completed along side a college professor in the department of sociology. I began studying this topic while completing a volunteer and research-based study abroad. After an additional year of study, I presented my research in a conference for international research studies at the university I was attending. This will probably be my "hill to die on" so to speak, but I can't ignore the mounding research against neglectful parenting practices and I cannot find favor with it. Many theories have surfaced and have claimed various benefits, none of which are proven by peer reviewed research. The harmful effects, however, have been well researched and documented. As one with first-hand experience and as a mother, myself, I can not express enough how important it is to establish the early development of trust between parent and child. Parenting is challenging, it seems on every turn, but our children are worth the effort.

Book Review

The Baby Whisperer, by Tracy Hogg, is a book that claims to help parents who are unsure how to care for their babies and read their cues. I was reading the book, looking for insights on normal infant sleep patterns. What I found was information on how to get your baby to sleep, eat and play on an adult's schedule. I was kinda disappointed, because I thought this would be a book that was more geared towards Attachment Parenting and would explain the needs of infants... I guess I was mistaken. While she does offer advice on all imaginable topics, and claims her solutions will work for every baby (I'm not a huge fan of the "one-size-fits-all" method) I just didn't feel she was qualified to be so aggressive in her opinions.

For instance, she down plays the benefits of breastfeeding, while suggesting that breastfeeding on demand is not only unnecessary, but creates a demanding, fussy child. I have found the opposite to be true, but regardless, she isn't an Internationally Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC), so I'd question her knowledge and understanding of successful breastfeeding and wouldn't follow her advice. Her suggestions had breastfeeding failure, written all over them. She also thought it was a good idea to wean babies at around 8 months, which isn't supported by WHO or the AAP... just not good advice.

I also didn't like how she demonized co-sleeping and co-bedding. She blamed these for SIDS and said cribs are where babies should be. What bothers me about that statement is that babies have been in bed with their parents for centuries before this book was written. Even today, nearly all other cultures practice bed-sharing with babies and don't have SIDS rates as high as we do here in the "modern world", in some "less civilized" cultures that practice bed-sharing, SIDS is almost unheard of... And nevermind the fact that SIDS was only recently changed from "Crib Death"....

Another inconsistency was that she recommends parents follow the AAP on their recommendation for when to start solids (6 months) but suggests that "bigger babies" and babies that suffer from GERD should be introduced at 4 months. Again, she really has no authority to be giving such recommendations and this goes against the AAP and other research I have read, so it bothers me that she gives such erroneous advice so willy-nilly.

I try to find the "good" in each thing I read, because I believe one can usually glean something beneficial. Something that I did find that I could agree with her on was her philosophy of not using the Cry-It-Out method (CIO).

I thought she made some good points:

"I don't believe in allowing infants to cry alone, not even for five minutes. Your baby doesn't know where you have gone or why he's suddenly abandoned. To use another analogy, its' as if you have a boyfriend, you set a date, and he doesn't show up for two nights in a row. You wouldn't trust his word. trust is the foundation on which any relationship is built. My hair stands on end when parents tell me they've allowed a baby to cry for an hour, two hours. Some infants get so upset and cry long and hard enough that they vomit. Others simply expend energy, become even more overstimulated, and eventually get hungry as well, leaving both of you confused and exhausted. Many babies who've been left to cry it out become chronically bad sleepers from that point on, putting up a battle whenever it's time for sleep, even becoming fearful of their own beds."

We don't see eye-to-eye on how to teach your baby to go to sleep... She suggests that allowing your baby to co-bed with you will result in a needy, clingy child and I just don't agree. The research doesn't show this to be true, in fact, many studies show the opposite, so we just don't see eye-to-eye on that point.

Another criticism I have with this book is that the Author's tone of voice is very antagonistic and arrogant. She speaks as though she is the best and only expert on babies and it just rubs me the wrong way. My philosophy on the topic of "who knows best?" is that parents usually know best, when they are sincerely seeking to do the best thing for their child. When their heart is in the right place, and they acknowledge and follow their baby's cues, I think the parents are the "experts" for all intents and purposes. And I believe each baby is unique and will march to the beat of a different drum, so I find it silly to be so rigid as to think that each baby should conform to one pattern of behavior.... I think consistency is important but flexibility is, too. She says she believes that but, I'm not convinced.

Well, that's my 2 cents. Hope it helps.

Book Review

These are a few books that might be worth reading. They have been helpful to some, and they might be helpful for you. I'll be reading and reviewing some books from time to time, and I'll post what I think about them and a brief synopsis.

The 90 Minute Baby Sleep Program - NAPS:


-Basically, the entire idea is that babies are on a 90 minute awake cycle and then need to nap. If you follow this cycle, your baby should go down for naps easily. I can say that I read the book and I think the author might have some interesting points as far as sleep science. When she starts giving advice on breastfeeding and other parenting topics, I kinda lost interest because A) she isn't a certified lactation consultant, so she shouldn't be giving breastfeeding advice B) she states that co-sleeping (which I assume she is meaning c0-bedding) is unsafe without any authority or research to back that up and basically finger wags which I really don't appreciate coming from an ignorant point-of-view and C) she isn't a "parenting expert" so I think she should just stick to her main subject of expertise, which is sleep. I don't think I'd recommend this book to anyone. The synopsis is pretty much all you need. ;)

Here it is:
Baby's need sleep. They need to sleep often. They need help falling asleep. You can do things to help them go to sleep by creating a restful environment. Don't underestimate the benefits of a well-rested child. They are happier and learn better when rested. This makes Mommies happier, too. The end. If you want more factoids (and I am that kinda person, so I understand) then by all means, by the book. Just don't pay full price. It really is worth it to just get a used copy. Borders.com sells used copies, and you can also look at half price books, too.

The next books I plan on reading are: "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp and "The Baby Whisperer" by Tracy Hogg

Excellent Blog on Healthy Sleep Solutions

I found this blog while searching for info on infant sleep and I am just so happy. This blog contains so much great information! I had to share... Enjoy. :)

http://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/sleep-training-review-of-research.html

"Crying-it-out does not lead to 'sleeping through the night' - it results in learned helplessness."

~ Danelle Frisbie

Naps: are they hard for you and your little one?

It seems like with each new "stage" in Colin's life, we find that nap time changes, a little. In the early days (first 3 months) Colin would sleep whenever he needed to. I didn't have a schedule for him to nap and I just followed his cues. He usually took between 3-5 naps per day, ranging from 30 minutes to 2 hours. Then around 3 months, naps became more challenging. He seemed to be easily distracted by what was going on around him and couldn't "let go" to sleep. I had to make some changes.

I started watching his cues more carefully. I tried to be home for nap time, because this seemed to help him sleep better and longer. I also made an effort to help him drift off to dream land. Sometimes that meant patting his back/bottom to help him fall asleep. Many times I would nurse him to sleep, which worked very well. (I'm a big fan)

Now that he is 6 months old, it seems like he doesn't need to take as many naps but also has a harder time falling and staying asleep. I do not subscribe to the "cry-it-out" philosophy, which seems to be the typical advice I am given....

I don't like "cry-it-out" methods for two reasons:

1) I think that letting a child cry alone is a very sad thing and sends a very sad/depressing message to the child. I worked in orphanages in Romania and saw first hand, the effects of neglecting a child's needs in this way. Babies and Children do not cry there. At all. It was very strange and very sad. They have learned that crying will not illicit a response from a care giver so crying is not beneficial. They have learned to be silent because they will not be helped. This is an extreme example, I know, but it has the same result. Babies who are left in their cribs to "cry it out" learn a form of behavior modification, which leads them to the conclusion that when they are in their crib, they will not be helped. They won't cry because they know no one will come to them. I cannot, and will not, ever do that to my child or any other child.

Information on "cry-it-out" methods and reasons it is not beneficial:

http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/books/0071381392.php?nid=386&isbn=0071381392

http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/4mo-sleep.html

http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/comfortnursing.html#cry

http://www.storknet.com/cubbies/parenting/cryitout.htm

Also, check out AskDrSears.com for more on Attachment Parenting.

2) I believe that parenting wasn't meant to be "easy" or "simple". I believe parenting is about putting your whole heart into it, getting "knee deep in mud" so to speak and making a lot of personal sacrifice. To me, letting your baby "cry-it-out" is taking the easy way out. I think attachment parenting takes more effort and I believe that anything worth having in life is worth the effort and sacrifice it takes to have it. Children included.


So, wanting to find some info on helping Colin take better naps, I stumbled across this website:

http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/advice/0071381392.php?nid=424

It has a lot of helpful information, in my humble opinion, and helped me come to some realistic expectations. Maybe it will help you, too.

This table of sleeping hours, is included in the link above. I just found it very helpful and I love charts/tables/graphs. ;)

Average hours of daytime and nighttime sleep

Age	Number of naps	Total length of naptime hours	Nighttime sleep hours**	Total of nighttime and naptime sleep
Newborn*
3 months	3	5 – 6	10 – 11	15
6 months	2	3 – 4	10 - 11	14 – 15
9 months	2	2 ½ - 4	11 - 12	14
12 months	1–2	2 – 3	11 ½ –12	13 ½ –14
18 months	1–2	2 – 3	11 ¼ -12	13 – 14
2 years	1	1–2 ½	11–12	13 – 13 ½
2 ½ years	1	1 ½ -2	11–11 ½	13 – 13 ½
3 years	1	1–1 ½	11 –11 ½	12 – 13
4 years	0 -1	0 -1	11–11 ½	11 – 12 ½
5-6 years	0 -1	0 -1	11	11 – 12

Here is some info on Kellymom.com about nursing your baby to sleep and other comfort measures:

http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/comfortnursing.html

Good luck! I hope naps are a little easier for us all. :)